The month is almost over. My birthday is tomorrow. I put up a website up for Kimchee and Catnip last year and trued to use it for something else beside a blog but it went nowhere. So I removed that content. Just when I was ready to work with it again it did something weird, it would not update. Somehow dozens of file permissions were changed but I didn’t do it. I spent days of manually changing file permissions and it still wouldn’t upgrade. I gave up and focused on the blog for October and December. I tried again this month and it still came up with the same error even though all the permissions were correct. I am going to have to delete all the WordPress files and start again from scratch.
I struggled to work on and finish my thesis and school course work lasy year. It seemed like the whole year I was moving through concrete, time passed but little was accomplished, I wanted this year to be different So now I ask after a month gone by has the change begun. How far did we get? All that remained for the Masters was one practicum that I finished last week and finalizing my thesis. This will take a few more weeks unless I work on it full time, which if I am honest with myself I can’t.
The day after New Year Simba crashed and that became my main focus. Kidney failure is the number one cause of death in senior cats. There is not much that can be done except hospice and palliative care. That was what I did until the morning she could no longer climb up and down onto the futon. She was loosing the fight, so I took her to the vet and Dr. Dan helped her gently to sleep so she would not have a painful seizure or heart attack. I realized afterward as I woke up very late for almost a week and a half I had never really slept properly, always alert on some level to her laying next to me and concerned for her comfort.
So I have a lot to do. I also realize looking back that I did accomplish a lot. I just demand so much from myself I am never satisfied. I still think I should have done more, but the way to fix that is not to beat myself up for 2017, but to make 2018 the best years ever. In making this decision I realized some changes needed to be made. Some are small. Some are much bigger and involve hard choices.
Birthdays remind you you are getting older. For years, in some cases decades, I have seen people I’ve known falling apart physically. One friend had a massive stroke, more than one developed multiple degenerative diseases. I myself developed a mysterious auto-immune syndrome and severe osteoarthritis. I had no desire to continue on for years in misery. I used everything I ever learned and then learned more, to reverse the process. I had found the book above years ago and found it inspiring. The title is absolutely true. So the first step in making this the best year ever is to get back in the kind of shape that enabled me to ski race in Vermont and rock climb in Yosemite.
If you are low in energy you won’t get anywhere with anything, especially a program of getting in shape, so I am starting with food. Food is where I found the solution to my health problems in the first place. So far this month I have worked my way through the Christmas leftovers, ruthlessly cleared the refrigerator, and started looking at what’s missing from my diet. I am also planning a detox regime. Many people will tell you these are not necessary. I dispute this. I have seen the positive results.
So how far did we get this month? We loved and let go, our sweet Simba. We forgave our self for not meeting our goals and we resolved to make up for that this year. Then we forged a plan to make sure we would keep that promise. And now I’ve put it out for all the world to see so I can’t slack off.